Guys. I’m pissed off.
I’m so tired of spirituality, I feel like I’m done with it and it can fuck off.
I’m just tired of the pretending.
I’m tired of the shoulds. I’m tired of trying to fit the spiritual stereotype to fit in, and feeling like I can’t be spiritual because I love money and cowboy boots and being loud think everything is bullshit until proven otherwise. I’m tired of feeling like I have to be something other than me, that there is a blueprint to a spiritual person that I don’t fit.
Cos spiritual people are good people, right? They don’t get angry, or upset people, and are all about light and love and walk in a blissful world of connection with the divine.
I feel like I am angry a lot and seem to be utterly unable to avoid upsetting people if I want to stay true to myself, which as far as I am concerned is spiritually the most. important. thing. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ve been walking in a crappy world where the Gods shit on you for much of this year, so lets bust that “blissful connection” nonsense.
I’m tired of meeting “spiritual” people and feeling like they are also pretending so hard to fit in.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to be more or better or different or gooder (totally a word) to be a spiritual person. Like being a spiritual person is another way of punishing myself for not being good enough, because I am NEVER going to fit the spiritual peaceful new age hippy stereotype. For starts, I say fuck way too much and am much too suspicious.
I feel like who I am, messy, overwhelmed, artistic, emotional, stauchly rebellious and with no real idea what I am doing (shhh don’t tell anyone!) is the Anti-Spirituality. I am Saruman to spirituality’s righteous Gandalf, getting all confused and fucking things up.
That I as I am am not enough.
I have to be purified, or juiced up with crystals, or repress all the dark messed up stuff that I am to be spiritually acceptable.
And I am part Scorpio, I am all about shadow and darkness, I just can’t pretend that I am not. I feel like I don’t know much about spirituality right now, but I do know that truth and integrity is king.
I’m tired of having to police myself and my actions so that I can fit into some spiritual person, and being dissapointed when I inevitably fail.
I’m tired of feeling like the holy grail of spirituality is to be so nice and wonderful that you never upset anyone.
So, I’m done with this.
Completely done.
It can fuck off.
I am not going to pretend any more, go through the motions, or do things based on what I think I should be doing as a spiritual person.
And I am not going to feel bad about myself from a spiritual perspective for being angry or for having a real love/hate relationship with meditating or having the focus of a bumblebee on acid or for not reading all the right books or for addictively avoiding spiritual practice or for fucking up a lot.
It doesn’t work, and it’s just stupid.
If I am not enough as I am, I am no longer interested.
I choose to start from the ground up and honour myself exactly as I am.
I’m only going to do spiritual stuff and things that feel good to me, and avoid everything that makes me feel “less than” or like a should.
That might mean religiously having bubble baths every Thursday night while watching Nashville as my new Spiritual Practice and sodding doing my guided meditations.
That might mean letting go of any and all traditions I’ve been affilliated with for a while so I can get rid of the stain of guilt.
That might mean swearing more. (Gosh!)
Bring it on 2016.
You go girl. The one thing I have learnt doing spiritual “quests” is that everything you need to know is right inside of you not what someone else tells you to do.
This is awesome, mermaid preistess! Really connected with you on this one. 🙂 Keep Rocking!
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A wave is approaching and we will ride on its crest. In our consciousness, a tree is blossoming, and we will bear its fruits. In language, Sense is coming to commune with our minds and we will allow it to take us into the Future.
This is an awesome article! I am a spiritual medium and I too am sick of the shit that other so-called “spiritual” people give me. We are emotion and feeling. We need to feel the good and the bad. We can also enjoy material things or not. I think spirituality should be about being the best person you can be on your own terms! I look forward to seeing more of your work 🙂
Yeah! I have lots of thoughts on where this weird whitewashing comes from: unfortunately most opinions I have seem to turn into “ragh the patriarchy!” at some point, so I am pacing myself a little. I agree. Being the best you can be is the best 😀 xxx
afuckingmen sister! i feel this so much.
and this shit cracked me up: “having the focus of a bumblebee on acid”
loving your site so far 🙂
cheers!
Hey Sami, thanks for popping by the site! Love xx
I am exactly in the same place right now. Iv been tryng to follow a path that I thought would get me out of the muck I was in but all it did was disconnect me from everything that was going on around me and lead to be used and thrown away by a bunch of sycophants. Fuckk all this new age spiritual fakery. Im finding my own way and thats all that matters.
So glad I found your post.
This. All of this. After reading this, I feel like I can get up and fight. THank you.
thank you for this…I thought I was alone in this. I struggle with spirituality exactly because of this. I do have an affinity for it but each time I meet a “spiritual person” I feel like the odd one out. I hate that when I am telling someone in the community that I gave meditation a try, but I have a hard time with consitency the answer is: “Oh well that just means that there is something inside of you that is resisting it..you are just not ready for it yet” Don´t get me wrong they might have a point, but they are getting on a high horse there making me feel like less of a person because of it. Its fucking twisted.
I love this post, it’s exactly what my son told me. He said ” Mam, you have to remember who the fuck you are and forget about all this spiritual shit”. I’ve lost my self, that’s what I’ve gained from being spiritual and I want me back. I was the life and soul of a party, a wind up, a tease with a potty mouth,and a god damm rebel. Why was I trying to fit in a box. This isn’t me!!!! Fuck being spiritual.
Hi love! I am glad the article helped. It’s easy to loose yourself in spiritual land as it’s all a bit out there and all over the place and has lots of models for who you should be (cos we are humans) – but it gets REAL when you bring it back to your truth and who you actually are and just do that. That’s real spirituality xxx
I had this exact revelation. I finally w peace in Physics. And saying Fuck allot.