Last weekend I initiated as a Priestess of Rhiannon in Glastonbury, and it was powerful, unexpected and beautiful.

The night before, I went up the sacred hill that is Glastonbury Tor under the full moon, to connect in and watch the night skies. I was a bit all over the place – big initiatory gateways pull up all those resistance feelings, where we would choose not to do this, where we feel not enough, all this gross energy.

And up the tor, someone had lit up the 600 year old tower that stands there with blue light under the moon.

Someone had lit a little campfires (almost as if it was the Flame of the Goddess up there on the hill, ready for me to take vigil beside.)

Someone was wandering around with a singing bowl, making beautiful tones.

And a whole bunch of people were standing in the tower, harmonising together, making beautiful singing tones in this sacred space.

It was truly magical.

Our ceremony was powerful. I was so inspired by the priestesses who lead it, by all my fellow sisters, but it’s a secret what happened so shhhhhhh. I really feel like I was facing all my fears of being enough – and then learning that I really didn’t have to try so hard, and I was totally worthy just as I am.

The next day was Graduation Ceremony day!! My mum came along to my graduation ceremony. That meant a lot to me. I’m a little quiet about my witchy side in my family – not silent, but just low key – and it meant a whole lot for mum to come and witness this graduation. I struggle a lot with celebrating myself, and I was really sad that my mum didn’t come to my university graduation, so it meant a lot that she could be there for my Rhiannon Priestess one.

We all had to do a graduation speech, and I cried. I cried through most of the ceremony to be honest. My teacher said of COURSE I cry all the time at these things – I am a mermaid priestess! And anyway, tears are the jewels of the Love Goddess.

And then it was over. Our close sisterhood of eight women will no longer be meeting again every week, but in the 18 months since I first met them, they have all changed and blossomed into incredibly powerful priestesses – everyone who takes this Priestess of Rhiannon course changes utterly. It is the way.  It is intensely difficult and beautiful and heart expanding, and we all spend so much of our time bravely facing shadows in the mirror of the Goddess of Love. We cannot come out the other side unchanged.

For me, in the last 18 months I have stepped up as a Priestess like never before. I have dared bigger than I ever dared before. I finally understand a lot of my true motivations and my true desires, which I had hidden from for years. I totally expanded my connection and understanding with Morgan le Fay, my main goddess. I learned so many precious priestessing skills and gained such a deep understanding of topics and archetypes that I use all the time and that help all my students and women in my community immensely. All the facets of my being and work are all coming together – no more do I keep my Priestess work religiously separate from my Dance work. I let everything bleed and soften. I feel like who I am as a woman, all my talents and skills and practices, make sense as a unified whole – I am no longer so split.

And the biggest thing was I learnt how to love myself in practice. “Learning to love yourself” is such a vague-ass term that it means almost nothing, so I will tell you exactly what happened and what I did: I finally have a break between my work life and my actual life. Work does not take total authority and control in my life anymore. For the first time ever, I do not work weekends. I have evenings off. I let my mind rest. I do not feel like I have to constantly prove I am enough, and I am less of a slave to the almighty patriarchal god of Money and Progress than I was before.

I pay myself a salary every month, and I can do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT WITH IT.

(That is a really really big deal for me. I used to always put myself last on the list of things and people to pay for – now I am first.)

And it’s still changing and developing – I am slowly learning that my work is not the sum of my value, and my value is not judged on how successful or productive or how hard I work – my value is more innate.

It’s slow. It’s a softening. That’s why these kind of courses can’t take place in a week or a month – because these things have to permeate and percolate and become a part of your being. The goddess can’t be rushed and she can’t be forced.

We have to soften into it – especially with the Goddess of Love.

So, I am an official Priestess of Rhiannon as the Goddess of Love, a part of the Glastonbury community of Temple Priestesses, and I am very, very proud.

In the week after my ceremony, I have felt Rhiannon with me every day. I feel like she is now just a given part of my life, of my existence: a part of myself. I have always felt she was part Rhiannon part a shifting many-faced force of the Goddess of Love, and I feel that now, relaxing slowly into it every day.

Perhaps the shift is more about acceptance rather than resistance. I did the ceremony, the initiation, where I was TOTALLY imperfect, and that was enough. I can accept now.

Whatever it is, it’s magical.