Leading on from my It’s Ok post, I always thought I wanted to be a Priestess. Not in a public preistessy way, as an undercover priestess. I knew Goddess was super important and she’s always been around in my life for the past decade, sometimes without me seeing a point in having her around, sometimes liking having her around, sometimes feeling bad about having her around. Anything to do with priestessing, and I was on it like a rash. I love the word – clear minded, happy, connected with goddess, doing important work. Even though I have a bit of a funny relationship with spirituality, it’s one of those things that really has never gone away so I think it will probably stay. I want to have a close relationship with god, though for the life of me I couldn’t tell you why. Mmmm Priestess.
Like many other people, I prefer guidance and guidelines to figuring it all out alone. Maybe it’s the school mindset. So with Kathy Jones’ book Priestess of Avalon, I was hooked, because here was a priestessing guide! Hooray! But being a priestess seems to involve a whole lot of stuff that I don’t seem to get round to making time for, like planing big ceremonies, praying every day, explaining it all to my housemate/SuperMan (my boyfriend), going for walks when its really cold, writing poetry and worshipping. Maybe I just don’t want it enough, and this could be true. I am often conflicted because, as much as I want to be a priestess, there are other things I want to do more, for example, be a world class dancer/paint stuff with lots of gold in it/hang out with SuperMan. I’m not very good at time management (…yet! watch out!) and I do seem to spend a lot of my free time either doing dance practice, hoovering, or sitting in a bath. I have been of the opinion that either you are A Priestess By Definition Of Your Life’s Work As It’s All About The Priestess or, simply, you are not. All or nothing baby.
As I said, I don’t want to be a Priestess that badly.
A while ago, I performed a ritual by the Incredible Francesca de Grandis called Eagle Birth, which helps you see when you are chasing up the wrong tree. She said it can be a really hard ritual to come to terms with. Of course, my tree was Priestess of Avalon course, and according to the ritual, dude, I was not meant to be in it.
Say Wha??!!! I was so convinced that Priestess of Avalon was My Thing, I loved the book, I wanted to do it so bad and the thought of becoming a Priestess of Avalon had been running in my mind for years. What you playing at, ritual!
This really confused me at the time, but months later, I think I am finally beginning to listen. I am beginning to face up to the fact that it’s probably NEVER going to work that way alone. Dude, does that suck.
I was so sure!
Facing up to crap truths is rubbish. But it stops you chasing your tail and gets you thinking how you can make your life better.
