I am a witch with good intentions and grand plans who tends to get a bit distracted after the initial “Yeah, let’s do this!” bit.
Hence why I worked with two chapters of Tarot for Yourself (A Tarot Workbook) by Mary K Greer in 2006 and then no more.
Picking it up I am seeing little notes from my past self, back in 2006 when I was 18, when I was still with a crappy boyfriend who I thought was awesome.
I’m not very good at reading notes from myself from the past. I don’t feel great about me in the past – I didn’t do anything bad, I just feel like I was a less informed and less smart version of myself today, and I don’t like it. I’d much prefer it if I knew everything all the time and made no mistake or errors of judgement, I’d be a lot more comfortable with that.
I find it difficult to own the bits of my past where I was a bit dim and uninformed, and sometimes just plain mean. Big chunks of stuff make me shudder in shame, like teasing the class swot at school like everyone else (sorry Sarah!), or my best friend switching to a new best friend at the end of primary school, accidentally agreeing to going out with that boy at secondary school and dumping him super coldly via answerphone message, all that overreacting I did at uni because I was living with some girl who got on my tits, and did I mention being a house-wife slave for a boy who wouldn’t even wash his own pants for two years?
So opening this book and seeing all the notes in it was a bit of a past shocker for me.
I’d much rather be looking at what past Me got up to and be sending her love and hugs, rather than embarrassment and condemnation. It’s not like I knew any better – I was doing the best I could with what I had then.
So I’d just like to let myself know that it’s OK that I wasn’t the Goddess of Omniscience in my youth. It’s perfectly OK that I was just human instead.