I am a Priestess, of course, but today I’d like to share with you a weird shameful secret we’d all rather forget about priestessing.
(Or at least I would.)
Why is priestess such a strong word? Why is it something so many of us latch onto?
Honestly, I have a theory, and it’s not very comfortable because it reveals and pokes at a lot of unresolved shame within me… but here we go.
On the goddess pathway, if we don’t identify with the word Witch, there isn’t really a word for us to identify with.
I think identity is a powerful thing, and there is a part of us that really needs this firm sense of belonging to feel safe and established in something.
The only word we really have that everyone agrees is a thing is Priestess.
When I was younger – I mean really young, like a teenager – when I read the word Priestess I wanted it.
Being totally honest, at the time it wasn’t the conscious call of devotion, or of ancient memory restoring within me or any of the normal stuff people say when they first meet the word.
It was this feeling of…. _Oh. If I am a Priestess, I will know I am good enough. _
Eeesh.
I can still see the places where that wounding lives in me today.
I see the discomfort of focusing so much of my life on exploration of an identity – what does it mean to be a priestess?
And I see the dangers and traps of leading with identity, with this ego-fixation of what it means to be a priestess.
I remember being in a goddess workshop a long time ago where we went round the circle and introduced ourselves, and everyone was rolling through their list of I Am Priestess accolades – “I am Sarah, I am a Priestess of Whatever trained by the Whatever School, and I have done this and this fancy priestess thing” and I remember feeling like it was the priestess version of a dick swinging contest.
Yuck.
I see the danger of allowing a not-enoughness wound to latch onto an inner identity, because identity isn’t tangible. It’s amorphous and ever changing… and it’s so seductive for our ego to go “I will be a true priestess WHEN…” and deny ourselves arrival, to use our desires as a measurement for our lack of worth and punish ourselves for not measuring up.
And I see the danger of the glamour of the priestess too. The proof that by being a priestess, you are “enlightened” or “ascended” or “healed” and the shadow junk that plagues the rest of humanity doesn’t apply to you, because you are holy and sacred and have risen above it.
Truth is, being a priestess isn’t glamourous. At all.
It’s actually a constant engagement with your shadow and a willingness to stand up to the challenge to do the work.
You get to create beautiful transformational moments for others for sure…
… and you get those blissful moments of divine communion, full body aliveness and grounded ecstasy…
… but to be the person who can hold those ceremonies and moments with depth and meaning and truth requires you to be willing to be vulnerable, honest and able to look in your own mirror.
It’s not a glamorous bliss-walk of my-life-is-fixed-now everything-is-easy…
… it’s just a very human exploration of what it means to be both human and divine at the same time (just like everyone else is. We aren’t more special because we are priestesses.)
I didn’t get into Priestessing because of some calling – I originally wanted to be good enough at witchery and goddess devotion because I felt myself inherently lacking.
(I think that’s why we have a lot of certifications in Priestess World – we are looking for that outer confirmation of identity, the place where the world agrees upon our place in it.)
But through that ego call I rose to do the real work and walk the path of inner transformation, radical honesty of self and no-fuck-giving so I could claim myself as a priestess. That’s what it means to be a priestess.
It’s an identity I am still wildly in love with. I love priestess everything. I want to BE more priestess everything – I am in devotion to it.
Where you start isn’t always the most important thing – it’s what you learn and become along the journey.
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