Trusting the Universe is a big thing on the spiritual pathway… and it’s something that genuinely takes a long time to learn. 

I used to be so frustrated with my constant doubting and anxiety and lack of trust. 

I thought that surely as a Priestess I should have unwavering faith and trust in the goddess, and because I didn’t I was a fraud and a failure. I felt like I should 10/10 know everything was going to be fine and that magic and energy will back me up and that everything is unfolding according to some magical plan… 

…instead of what I was ACTUALLY doing, which was worrying a lot and kicking myself cos I hadn’t nailed this trust thing. 

It was a big part of my not-good-enough story, because if I was good enough this wouldn’t be such a struggle, right? 

But here’s the thing about trust. 

It’s not a mind thing – it’s a body thing. 

Our culture is so mind-focused and is so busy celebrating logic and reason as the most valuable thing, that it forgets that the mind isn’t the answer to everything. 

Talk therapy can’t go deeper than the mind, and our deepest darkest shiz is in the places our mind can’t really get to – our subconscious, our energy, our body, how our cells and being is.

Our subconscious – the bit we can barely access through talk and mind, because it doesn’t think in language – is often the bit holding the inability to trust.

And the subconscious isn’t a neat little box in our brain, it’s this weird holistic all-over part of ourselves that lives in our body and our feelings…. and these things filter through to our mind as patterns and beliefs. 

A couple of years ago I went deep into learning everything I could about resistance and shadow work – why do we sabotage ourselves and get stuck in crappy patterns we don’t want to be in? I wanted to know. 

And I learned that those patterns of fear and that feeling that something is wrong, that you are not safe and that you can’t trust the *universe at large* are not just written into your thought patterns and into the things that your mind says to you…

… they are literally encoded into your body. 

The brain stores it’s unconscious reactions to all sorts of things in the body. 

So that perpetual belief that you are not safe in the world?

It’s not just in your brain – it’s living in your whole bod. 

And a key thing about trust is that for us to surrender into it we have to feel safe enough to do so. 

It takes a Herculean amount of faith, bravery and guts to trust when we do not feel safe… and it’s just not sustainable. It’s too exhausting to force ourselves into trust when our whole body is screaming no.

So before we can trust the universe and have that perfect priestess love and trust that we are chasing, we have to come to a place of safety in ourselves and in our bodies first. 

How do we do that?

Gently. With kindness. By taking big care of our body and it’s reactions to things. By not forcing or pushing or making yourself change – by nurturing yourself until you actually feel safe enough to shift. 

For those of us with that strong not-good-enough story, it comes with a big hunk of inbuilt unsafety. Not being good enough IS not being safe as who you are, because you are essentially lacking. It’s scarcity patterning written into the heart of your being, and you have to do some work to weed that poison out of you. 

So much spiritual literature just espouses trust as some easy decision, and I want you to know that so many times it’s just not. 

It has never been for me. 

And I am not going to tell you some stupid patriarchal world story of how I just kept pushing and forcing it and finally I conquered the fear through brute force of will, because I don’t believe in those kinds of stories and that did NOT happen for me. 

Settling into trust takes time.

It’s supposed to. 

I think it’s something you grow into. 

In me, I’ve had twenty years of depression, ADHD, inherited family trauma and weird family dynamics blocking my universal trust abilities, and it’s only NOW that I am beginning to understand trust, nearly two decades into my spiritual journey. 

(And a big part of getting to this place is the scarcity work I have spent the last year working on coupled with getting treatment for my depression and going on anti-depressants in the summer. It’s given me the space to shift some things. Modern Medicine is Miraculous.) 

I really feel like, paradoxically, we have to trust that we will get there. 

We might not have that spiritual trust in Goddess and the divine that we want right now, but we can trust that one day we will get there. It might take five more years, or ten years, or thirty years, but you are gonna get there. 

And we gotta remember that spirituality isn’t a competition, or a graded test – we don’t “win” by getting to a “milestone” faster. There kind of are no milestones. It’s not a race – it’s a river. Every part of a river is magical in it’s own way – in a race, only the end matters. 

It’s not wrong to be where you are – you are not a bad person or a terrible priestess or a crappy witch if you live more in doubt than trust right now. You are just a human. Being spiritual isn’t about being better than human! And exactly where you are now is somewhere on the journey towards being full of trust and love for the world. 

And honestly, I think getting older helps. The older I get, the less I worry about stuff, the less fucks I give, and the more I know through experience that everything is alright in the end. 

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